This is my life. Right there in that picture above these words. My reason for existence and my reason for breathing. Noone ever told me you could love with such depth. They never explained that you can have the highest highs and the lowest lows (usually all in the same day).
Whenever you are young you are just simply clueless. You can't wait to grow up and be an adult so noone can tell you what to do. You think your parents are complete idiots and you just want to be your own boss. I wonder why that is? Because when you reach the age of enlightenment and you figure out that the times you thought those thoughts you would give anything and I do mean anything to just go back and be that age again. Everything you thought you knew are laughable now and you just wish you could be that carefree kid again with no worries about a mortgage, a job, a constant cloud of worry and doubt all hanging over your head.
Enter Tim & Dawn pushing a baby carriage.
First came love, then came marriage, you know the rest. Enter those 3 beings pictured above. Exit sanity, solitude, funds, and my heart. Never would I have guessed I could experience this feeling and much less be blessed with it 3 separate times. 3 different (completely) kinds of love. Each of them has a different relationship with me and I feel completely different about each one but none is more or less than the other. I simply cannot imagine life without them. Period.
I am writing this intro completely from the heart. The depth of emotions is immeasurable and the range is vast. There has been love, joy, peace, completion and that is following swiftly by fear, sorrow, failure, doubt. Never a truer statement was made than whomever stated "they don't come with instructions". Ha! You ain't kidding. I have failed so many times and there is nothing worse than feeling you failed as a parent. I just hope and pray they don't feel this about me.
My three reasons for living are almost all grown now and time is swiftly approaching that they will have their own lives and that may or may not include me. I must learn to accept that and I must learn to do and be something without them. I pray I can be a part of their lives. I wish we could be closely knit forever but that's up to them to decide. But for now I am savoring the last 2 months of my youngest's senior year of high school and his final sport of that 12 year long career. I repeat the same thing he and I said before his football season began last August..."If it doesnt begin, then it can't end". Could it never end? Could I just stop time? No? Ok then I hope the next chapter is worth the sorrow of the last one here. I have cried alot of tears this year for sure.
I have watched my youngest finish high school, saw my oldest reconnect with her high school sweetheart and get engaged then married and move over 800 miles away and is now expecting my first grandchild. My middle has started on a path of her chosen career and it's been bumpy but she is hopefully on the road to a fulfilling career. So many changes. My husband and I met and started dating 30 years ago this month. You seriously dont realize how fast 30 years goes by until its gone. Geez.
This year is guaranteed to bring so many events our head will swim. I see lots of travel in my future. I have pictures to take people! I cant wait to see her belly start to round and see the love bloom in her eyes when she realizes the love I discovered 24 years ago for herself. I expect to watch as the middle one learns her new purpose in life and I will see the youngest find his next step in life either with or without his beloved sports. Only time will tell in all counts but I cant wait to experience all these changes. Oh and never fear I expect to capture all this as I love to do best (on digital).
I am after all, a photographer!
Thanks for joining me in this journey called my life. Stay tuned to posts about exciting and memorable sessions that I have that I would like to show you a grouping of images and maybe tell you a little story about them at the same time. I will throw some of my personal life in there too I am sure and every chance I get I will show some behind-the-scenes and I love to show some real-life bloopers too so beware I love to capture funny moments!!
enjoy! -dawn
No comments:
Post a Comment